Fortune: Updated fortunes file
Made some corrections where terminating character (%) was not present. Fixed typos. Made some formatting correctionsmaster
David Schulman
Matt Miller
parent
fe1729edf1
commit
48f5834540
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@ -12,7 +12,8 @@ description 'get a random phrase from the original fortunes file';
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code_url 'https://github.com/duckduckgo/zeroclickinfo-goodies/blob/master/lib/DDG/Goodie/Fortune.pm';
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category 'random';
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topics 'words_and_games';
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attribution github => ['https://github.com/frncscgmz', 'frncscgmz'];
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attribution github => ['https://github.com/frncscgmz', 'frncscgmz'],
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github => ['https://github.com/dmschulman', 'dmschulman'];
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zci answer_type => "fortune";
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zci is_cached => 0;
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@ -5,7 +5,6 @@ A few hours grace before the madness begins again.
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A gift of a flower will soon be made to you.
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%
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A long-forgotten loved one will appear soon.
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Buy the negatives at any price.
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%
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A tall, dark stranger will have more fun than you.
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@ -62,13 +61,12 @@ Be careful! UGLY strikes 9 out of 10!
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%
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Be cautious in your daily affairs.
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%
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Be cheerful while you are alive.
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"Be cheerful while you are alive."
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-- Phathotep, 24th Century B.C.
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%
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Be different: conform.
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%
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Be free and open and breezy! Enjoy! Things won't get any better so
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get used to it.
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Be free and open and breezy! Enjoy! Things won't get any better so get used to it.
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%
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Be security conscious -- National defense is at stake.
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%
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@ -76,8 +74,7 @@ Beauty and harmony are as necessary to you as the very breath of life.
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%
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Best of all is never to have been born. Second best is to die soon.
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%
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Better hope the life-inspector doesn't come around while you have your
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life in such a mess.
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Better hope the life-inspector doesn't come around while you have your life in such a mess.
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%
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Beware of a dark-haired man with a loud tie.
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%
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@ -165,10 +162,10 @@ Don't tell any big lies today. Small ones can be just as effective.
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%
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Don't worry so loud, your roommate can't think.
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%
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Don't Worry, Be Happy.
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"Don't Worry, Be Happy."
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-- Meher Baba
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%
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Don't worry. Life's too long.
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"Don't worry. Life's too long."
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-- Vincent Sardi, Jr.
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%
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Don't you feel more like you do now than you did when you came in?
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@ -198,10 +195,9 @@ So-so day for you.
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%
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Fine day to work off excess energy. Steal something heavy.
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%
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Fortune: You will be attacked next Wednesday at 3:15 p.m. by six samurai
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sword wielding purple fish glued to Harley-Davidson motorcycles.
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Oh, and have a nice day!
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You will be attacked next Wednesday at 3:15 P.M. by six samurai sword wielding purple fish glued to Harley-Davidson motorcycles.
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%
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"Oh, and have a nice day!"
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-- Bryce Nesbitt '84
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%
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Future looks spotty. You will spill soup in late evening.
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@ -210,8 +206,7 @@ Generosity and perfection are your everlasting goals.
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%
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Give him an evasive answer.
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%
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Give thought to your reputation. Consider changing name and moving to
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a new town.
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Give thought to your reputation. Consider changing name and moving to a new town.
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%
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Give your very best today. Heaven knows it's little enough.
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%
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@ -229,8 +224,7 @@ Good news from afar can bring you a welcome visitor.
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%
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Good news. Ten weeks from Friday will be a pretty good day.
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%
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Good night to spend with family, but avoid arguments with your mate's
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new lover.
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Good night to spend with family, but avoid arguments with your mate's new lover.
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%
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Green light in A.M. for new projects. Red light in P.M. for traffic tickets.
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%
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@ -238,8 +232,7 @@ Hope that the day after you die is a nice day.
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%
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If you can read this, you're too close.
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%
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If you learn one useless thing every day, in a single year you'll learn
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365 useless things.
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If you learn one useless thing every day, in a single year you'll learn 365 useless things.
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%
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If you sow your wild oats, hope for a crop failure.
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%
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@ -257,23 +250,20 @@ Is that really YOU that is reading this?
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%
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Is this really happening?
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%
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It is so very hard to be an
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on-your-own-take-care-of-yourself-because-there-is-no-one-else-to-do-it-for-you
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grown-up.
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It is so very hard to be an on-your-own-take-care-of-yourself-because-there-is-no-one-else-to-do-it-for-you grown-up.
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%
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It may or may not be worthwhile, but it still has to be done.
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%
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It was all so different before everything changed.
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%
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It's a very *__UN*lucky week in which to be took dead.
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"It's a very *UN*lucky week in which to be took dead."
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-- Churchy La Femme
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%
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It's all in the mind, ya know.
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%
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It's lucky you're going so slowly, because you're going in the wrong direction.
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%
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Just because the message may never be received does not mean it is
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not worth sending.
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Just because the message may never be received does not mean it is not worth sending.
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%
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Just to have it is enough.
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%
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@ -316,8 +306,7 @@ Never look up when dragons fly overhead.
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%
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Never reveal your best argument.
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%
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Next Friday will not be your lucky day. As a matter of fact, you don't
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have a lucky day this year.
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Next Friday will not be your lucky day. As a matter of fact, you don't have a lucky day this year.
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%
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Of course you have a purpose -- to find a purpose.
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%
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@ -326,7 +315,6 @@ People are beginning to notice you. Try dressing before you leave the house.
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Perfect day for scrubbing the floor and other exciting things.
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%
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Questionable day.
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Ask somebody something.
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%
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Reply hazy, ask again later.
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@ -346,7 +334,6 @@ So you're back... about time...
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Someone is speaking well of you.
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%
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Someone is speaking well of you.
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How unusual!
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%
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Someone whom you reject today, will reject you tomorrow.
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@ -361,7 +348,7 @@ That secret you've been guarding, isn't.
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%
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The time is right to make new friends.
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%
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The whole world is a tuxedo and you are a pair of brown shoes.
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"The whole world is a tuxedo and you are a pair of brown shoes."
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-- George Gobel
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%
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There is a 20% chance of tomorrow.
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@ -394,13 +381,12 @@ Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
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%
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Today is what happened to yesterday.
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%
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Today's weirdness is tomorrow's reason why.
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"Today's weirdness is tomorrow's reason why."
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-- Hunter S. Thompson
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%
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Tomorrow will be cancelled due to lack of interest.
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%
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Tomorrow, this will be part of the unchangeable past but fortunately,
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it can still be changed today.
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Tomorrow, this will be part of the unchangeable past but fortunately, it can still be changed today.
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%
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Tomorrow, you can be anywhere.
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%
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@ -408,8 +394,7 @@ Tonight you will pay the wages of sin; Don't forget to leave a tip.
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%
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Tonight's the night: Sleep in a eucalyptus tree.
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%
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Troubled day for virgins over 16 who are beautiful and wealthy and live
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in eucalyptus trees.
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Troubled day for virgins over 16 who are beautiful and wealthy and live in eucalyptus trees.
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%
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Truth will out this morning. (Which may really mess things up.)
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%
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@ -419,7 +404,7 @@ Try to get all of your posthumous medals in advance.
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%
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Try to have as good a life as you can under the circumstances.
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%
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Try to relax and enjoy the crisis.
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"Try to relax and enjoy the crisis."
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-- Ashleigh Brilliant
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%
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Try to value useful qualities in one who loves you.
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@ -430,8 +415,7 @@ Tuesday is the Wednesday of the rest of your life.
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%
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What happened last night can happen again.
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%
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While you recently had your problems on the run, they've regrouped and
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are making another attack.
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While you recently had your problems on the run, they've regrouped and are making another attack.
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%
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Write yourself a threatening letter and pen a defiant reply.
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%
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@ -451,8 +435,7 @@ You are confused; but this is your normal state.
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%
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You are deeply attached to your friends and acquaintances.
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%
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You are destined to become the commandant of the fighting men of the
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department of transportation.
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You are destined to become the commandant of the fighting men of the department of transportation.
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%
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You are dishonest, but never to the point of hurting a friend.
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%
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@ -472,8 +455,7 @@ You are number 6! Who is number one?
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%
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You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
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%
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You are scrupulously honest, frank, and straightforward. Therefore you
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have few friends.
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You are scrupulously honest, frank, and straightforward. Therefore you have few friends.
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%
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You are sick, twisted and perverted. I like that in a person.
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%
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@ -485,15 +467,13 @@ You are taking yourself far too seriously.
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%
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You are the only person to ever get this message.
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%
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You are wise, witty, and wonderful, but you spend too much time reading
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this sort of trash.
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You are wise, witty, and wonderful, but you spend too much time reading this sort of trash.
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%
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You attempt things that you do not even plan because of your extreme stupidity.
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%
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You can create your own opportunities this week. Blackmail a senior executive.
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%
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You can do very well in speculation where land or anything to do with dirt
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is concerned.
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You can do very well in speculation where land or anything to do with dirt is concerned.
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%
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You can rent this space for only $5 a week.
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%
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@ -515,8 +495,7 @@ You fill a much-needed gap.
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%
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You get along very well with everyone except animals and people.
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%
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You had some happiness once, but your parents moved away, and you had to
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leave it behind.
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You had some happiness once, but your parents moved away, and you had to leave it behind.
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%
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You have a deep appreciation of the arts and music.
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%
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@ -541,8 +520,7 @@ You have an ambitious nature and may make a name for yourself.
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%
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You have an unusual equipment for success. Be sure to use it properly.
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%
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You have an unusual magnetic personality. Don't walk too close to
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metal objects which are not fastened down.
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You have an unusual magnetic personality. Don't walk too close to metal objects which are not fastened down.
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%
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You have an unusual understanding of the problems of human relationships.
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%
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@ -566,8 +544,7 @@ You have the capacity to learn from mistakes. You'll learn a lot today.
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%
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You have the power to influence all with whom you come in contact.
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%
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You learn to write as if to someone else because NEXT YEAR YOU WILL BE
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"SOMEONE ELSE."
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You learn to write as if to someone else because NEXT YEAR YOU WILL BE "SOMEONE ELSE."
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%
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You like to form new friendships and make new acquaintances.
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%
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@ -581,15 +558,13 @@ You love your home and want it to be beautiful.
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%
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You may be gone tomorrow, but that doesn't mean that you weren't here today.
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%
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You may be infinitely smaller than some things, but you're infinitely
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larger than others.
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You may be infinitely smaller than some things, but you're infinitely larger than others.
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%
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You may be recognized soon. Hide.
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%
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You may get an opportunity for advancement today. Watch it!
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%
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You may worry about your hair-do today, but tomorrow much peanut butter will
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be sold.
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You may worry about your hair-do today, but tomorrow much peanut butter will be sold.
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%
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You need more time; and you probably always will.
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%
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@ -615,8 +590,7 @@ You seek to shield those you love and you like the role of the provider.
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%
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You shall be rewarded for a dastardly deed.
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%
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You should emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially
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if they are dead.
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You should emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
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%
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You should go home.
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%
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@ -640,8 +614,7 @@ You will be advanced socially, without any special effort on your part.
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%
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You will be aided greatly by a person whom you thought to be unimportant.
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%
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You will be attacked by a beast who has the body of a wolf, the tail of
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a lion, and the face of Donald Duck.
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You will be attacked by a beast who has the body of a wolf, the tail of a lion, and the face of Donald Duck.
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%
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You will be audited by the Internal Revenue Service.
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%
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@ -739,8 +712,7 @@ You will live a long, healthy, happy life and make bags of money.
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%
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You will live to see your grandchildren.
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%
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You will lose your present job and have to become a door to door mayonnaise
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salesman.
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You will lose your present job and have to become a door to door mayonnaise salesman.
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%
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You will meet an important person who will help you advance professionally.
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%
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@ -756,8 +728,7 @@ You will overcome the attacks of jealous associates.
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%
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You will pass away very quickly.
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%
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You will pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please disregard
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this message.
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You will pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please disregard this message.
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%
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You will pioneer the first Martian colony.
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%
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@ -775,8 +746,7 @@ You will soon meet a person who will play an important role in your life.
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%
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You will step on the night soil of many countries.
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%
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You will stop at nothing to reach your objective, but only because your
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brakes are defective.
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You will stop at nothing to reach your objective, but only because your brakes are defective.
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%
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You will triumph over your enemy.
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%
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@ -798,18 +768,15 @@ You'll be called to a post requiring ability in handling groups of people.
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%
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You'll be sorry...
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%
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You'll feel devilish tonight. Toss dynamite caps under a flamenco dancer's
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heel.
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You'll feel devilish tonight. Toss dynamite caps under a flamenco dancer's heel.
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%
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You'll feel much better once you've given up hope.
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%
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You'll never be the man your mother was!
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%
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You'll never see all the places, or read all the books, but fortunately,
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they're not all recommended.
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You'll never see all the places, or read all the books, but fortunately, they're not all recommended.
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%
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You'll wish that you had done some of the hard things when they were easier
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to do.
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You'll wish that you had done some of the hard things when they were easier to do.
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%
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You're a card which will have to be dealt with.
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%
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@ -823,8 +790,7 @@ You're currently going through a difficult transition period called "Life."
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%
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You're definitely on their list. The question to ask next is what list it is.
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%
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You're growing out of some of your problems, but there are others that
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you're growing into.
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You're growing out of some of your problems, but there are others that you're growing into.
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%
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You're not my type. For that matter, you're not even my species!!!
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%
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@ -838,11 +804,9 @@ Your aim is high and to the right.
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%
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Your aims are high, and you are capable of much.
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%
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Your analyst has you mixed up with another patient. Don't believe a
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thing he tells you.
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Your analyst has you mixed up with another patient. Don't believe a thing he tells you.
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%
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Your best consolation is the hope that the things you failed to get weren't
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really worth having.
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Your best consolation is the hope that the things you failed to get weren't really worth having.
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%
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Your boss climbed the corporate ladder, wrong by wrong.
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%
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@ -860,8 +824,7 @@ Your domestic life may be harmonious.
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%
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Your fly might be open (but don't check it just now).
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%
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Your goose is cooked.
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(Your current chick is burned up too!)
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Your goose is cooked. (Your current chick is burned up too!)
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%
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Your heart is pure, and your mind clear, and your soul devout.
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%
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@ -885,8 +848,7 @@ Your mode of life will be changed for the better because of good news soon.
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%
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Your mode of life will be changed for the better because of new developments.
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%
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Your motives for doing whatever good deed you may have in mind will be
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misinterpreted by somebody.
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Your motives for doing whatever good deed you may have in mind will be misinterpreted by somebody.
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%
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Your nature demands love and your happiness depends on it.
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%
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