.FUNCT LAIR-OBJECT-F EQUAL? PRSA,V?DISEMBARK,V?EXIT,V?LEAVE /?CCL3 EQUAL? PRSA,V?WALK-TO,V?BOARD,V?THROUGH \FALSE ?CCL3: CALL1 V-WALK-AROUND RSTACK .FUNCT INNER-LAIR-ENTER-F FSET? BEAST,MUNGEDBIT \?PRG4 RETURN INNER-LAIR ?PRG4: PRINTI "The Beast blocks the exit." CRLF RFALSE .FUNCT LAIR-F,RARG EQUAL? RARG,M-LOOK \?CCL3 PRINTI "This is the lair of the " PRINTD BEAST PRINTR ". There are exits east and southwest." ?CCL3: EQUAL? RARG,M-END \FALSE FSET? LAIR,NDESCBIT /FALSE SET 'DREAMING,TRUE-VALUE FSET LAIR,NDESCBIT FCLEAR SARCASTIC-NAME,INVISIBLE FCLEAR BEAST-NAME,INVISIBLE CALL QUEUE,I-BEAST,2 PUT STACK,0,1 CRLF PRINTI "The Beast whips its evil-smelling tail away from your nose and bellows a brain-shattering roar. By suddenly popping out of nowhere you have disturbed its train of thought. However, " FSET? LAIR,REVISITBIT \?PRG17 PRINTI "the Beast is beginning to get used to this sort of thing, shrugs it off, and sinks ten or so of" PRINT CLAWS ICALL2 JIGS-UP,STR?140 RTRUE ?PRG17: PRINTI "since its train of thought was the usual one, and in fact the only one it knows, which goes like this ""hungry ... hungry ... hungry ... hungry ... bad-tempered ... hungry ..."", it soon starts to chug along again." CRLF CRLF PRINT BEAST-DESC PRINTR " It advances on you, and roars out a demand that you say your name." .FUNCT OUTER-LAIR-F,RARG EQUAL? RARG,M-LOOK \FALSE PRINTI "This is a large walled courtyard. Strewn about are a profusion of gnawed bones bleaching in the sun. In case the significance of these fails to strike you, there is also a " PRINTD MEMORIAL PRINTI " in the middle of the courtyard, on which the Beast has roughly carved the names of all its victims." IN? STONE,HERE \?CND6 CRLF PRINTI "Some " PRINTD STONE PRINTR "s lie near the exit to the west." ?CND6: CRLF RTRUE .FUNCT MEMORIAL-F EQUAL? PRSA,V?CARVE \?CCL3 EQUAL? MEMORIAL,PRSI \?CCL3 FSET? BEAST,MUNGEDBIT \?CCL8 CALL1 V-DIG RSTACK ?CCL8: EQUAL? PRSO,NAME \?CCL10 PRINTI "Whose name? The " PRINTD BEAST-NAME PRINTR "? Your aunt's name? One of the Infinite Unknowable names of Buddha? How about the name of Fred who runs (or rather ran) your local chip shop? At least that's a short name -- you might have time to write it before the Beast eats you." ?CCL10: EQUAL? PRSO,SARCASTIC-NAME \?CCL14 PRINTR "Concentrate. Learn to distinguish between genuinely helpful suggestions and mere sarcasm." ?CCL14: FSET? TOWEL,WORNBIT /?CCL18 CALL QUEUE,I-BEAST,2 PUT STACK,0,1 PRINTI "Before you even chip the first letter, the Beast sees you and hurls you spinning away with a bellow of rage." PRINT GETTING-CLOSE CRLF RTRUE ?CCL18: ZERO? BEARINGS-LOST /?CCL22 PRINTR "You cannot see and have lost your bearings. You stumble hopelessly and begin to arouse the Beast's suspicions. It's stupid but not THAT stupid." ?CCL22: EQUAL? PRSO,ME,ARTHUR,YOUR-NAME \?PRG40 FSET? BEAST,MUNGEDBIT \?PRG31 PRINTR "You already did that!" ?PRG31: PRINTI "You chip away with the stone. It's not your best writing, what with your mounting sense of panic and a towel wrapped around your head. However, it suffices..." CRLF CRLF PRINT JUST-AS ZERO? NAME-TOLD /?PRG38 FSET BEAST,MUNGEDBIT CALL QUEUE,I-BEAST,9 PUT STACK,0,1 PRINTR "suddenly sees your name freshly carved on its memorial of remembrance. Mystery solved. It realises it must have already eaten you in a fit of absentmindedness. (Its mind is very very small and quite frequently absent.) It decides to give up the rest of its afternoon to the twin arts of digestion and contemplation. It settles down for a snooze." ?PRG38: PRINTI "sees """ PRINTD ARTHUR PRINTI """ freshly carved on the " PRINTD MEMORIAL PRINTR ". This doesn't ring any bells with the Beast. It roars with fury, and eyes the thing it can't see because it's got a towel on its head (i.e. you) with deepening suspicion." ?PRG40: PRINT JUST-AS PRINTI "suddenly sees " EQUAL? PRSO,BEAST-NAME,BEAST \?PRG47 PRINTI "its own name" JUMP ?PRG49 ?PRG47: PRINTC 34 PRINTD PRSO PRINTC 34 ?PRG49: PRINTI " freshly carved on the " PRINTD MEMORIAL PRINTI ". This disconcerts it, as it has no recollection of eating " EQUAL? PRSO,BEAST-NAME,BEAST \?PRG56 PRINTI "itself" JUMP ?PRG58 ?PRG56: PRINTI "anyone by that name" ?PRG58: PRINTC 46 PRINT SLOWLY-DAWNS CRLF RTRUE ?CCL3: EQUAL? PRSA,V?READ \?CCL61 PRINTI "Gleb Snardfitz, Bibs Trench, Zeke Fitzberry, Elmo Smith, " FSET? BEAST,MUNGEDBIT \?PRG68 PRINTD ARTHUR PRINTI ", " ?PRG68: PRINTR "Brian ""Spike"" Berkowitz, Clybert Quackentotter..." ?CCL61: EQUAL? PRSA,V?EXAMINE \FALSE PRINTI "There are countless names carved on the " PRINTD MEMORIAL PRINTC 58 CRLF ICALL PERFORM,V?READ,MEMORIAL RTRUE .FUNCT STONE-F EQUAL? PRSA,V?TAKE \?CCL3 FSET? STONE,TRYTAKEBIT \?CCL3 FCLEAR STONE,NDESCBIT FCLEAR STONE,TRYTAKEBIT RFALSE ?CCL3: EQUAL? PRSA,V?DROP \?CCL7 EQUAL? HERE,OUTER-LAIR \?CCL7 FSET STONE,NDESCBIT FSET STONE,TRYTAKEBIT RFALSE ?CCL7: EQUAL? PRSA,V?EXAMINE \FALSE PRINTR "It's hard as a rock." .FUNCT BEAST-DESCFCN,X FSET? BEAST,MUNGEDBIT \?PRG6 PRINTR "The Beast is in the corner, sleeping peacefully (Footnote 5)." ?PRG6: PRINTI "The " PRINTD BEAST PRINTR " is here, looking particularly nasty and hungry." .FUNCT BEAST-F EQUAL? BEAST,WINNER \?CCL3 FSET? TOWEL,WORNBIT \?CCL6 CALL1 V-SAY RSTACK ?CCL6: EQUAL? PRSA,V?TELL-ABOUT \?CCL8 EQUAL? PRSO,ME \?CCL8 SET 'WINNER,PROTAGONIST ICALL PERFORM,V?ASK-ABOUT,BEAST,PRSI SET 'WINNER,BEAST RTRUE ?CCL8: EQUAL? PRSA,V?HELLO \?CCL12 SET 'WINNER,PROTAGONIST ICALL PERFORM,V?HELLO,BEAST SET 'WINNER,BEAST RTRUE ?CCL12: EQUAL? PRSA,V?WHAT \?CCL14 EQUAL? PRSO,OBJECT-OF-GAME \?CCL14 SET 'WINNER,PROTAGONIST ICALL PERFORM,V?ASK-ABOUT,BEAST,OBJECT-OF-GAME SET 'WINNER,BEAST RTRUE ?CCL14: ZERO? NAME-TOLD \?CCL18 EQUAL? PRSA,V?MY-NAME \?CCL18 EQUAL? PRSO,NAME \?CCL18 EQUAL? PRSI,ARTHUR \?CCL24 SET 'WINNER,PROTAGONIST ICALL PERFORM,V?SAY-NAME,YOUR-NAME SET 'WINNER,BEAST RTRUE ?CCL24: SET 'WINNER,PROTAGONIST ICALL PERFORM,V?SAY-NAME,BEAST-NAME SET 'WINNER,BEAST RTRUE ?CCL18: ZERO? NAME-TOLD \?PRG32 EQUAL? PRSA,V?I-AM \?PRG32 EQUAL? PRSO,ARTHUR \?CCL31 SET 'WINNER,PROTAGONIST ICALL PERFORM,V?SAY-NAME,YOUR-NAME SET 'WINNER,BEAST RTRUE ?CCL31: SET 'WINNER,PROTAGONIST ICALL PERFORM,V?SAY-NAME,BEAST-NAME SET 'WINNER,BEAST RTRUE ?PRG32: PRINTI "The Beast just roars at you." CRLF CALL1 FUCKING-CLEAR RSTACK ?CCL3: EQUAL? PRSA,V?ASK-ABOUT,V?HELLO,V?TELL /?PRD37 EQUAL? PRSA,V?TELL-ABOUT,V?ASK-FOR \?CCL35 ?PRD37: EQUAL? PRSO,BEAST \?CCL35 FSET? BEAST,MUNGEDBIT \?CCL42 PRINTI "The Beast is sleeping!" CRLF CALL1 FUCKING-CLEAR RSTACK ?CCL42: FSET? TOWEL,WORNBIT \FALSE ICALL1 SAID-WITH-TOWEL CALL1 FUCKING-CLEAR RSTACK ?CCL35: EQUAL? PRSA,V?TELL-TIME \?CCL48 EQUAL? PRSI,YOUR-NAME \?CCL48 ICALL PERFORM,V?SAY-NAME,YOUR-NAME RTRUE ?CCL48: EQUAL? PRSA,V?TELL-NAME \?CCL52 EQUAL? PRSO,YOUR-NAME \?CCL52 ICALL PERFORM,V?SAY-NAME,YOUR-NAME RTRUE ?CCL52: EQUAL? PRSA,V?GIVE,V?SHOW \?CCL56 EQUAL? THING,PRSO \?CCL56 CALL QUEUE,I-BEAST,2 PUT STACK,0,1 PRINTR "The Beast stops in its tracks, deeply impressed, and compliments you on the quality of your aunts, and complains that all its aunts are complete horrors. It then continues its dreadful attack." ?CCL56: EQUAL? PRSA,V?THROW \?CCL62 EQUAL? PRSI,BEAST \?CCL62 CALL1 IDROP ZERO? STACK \?CCL62 MOVE PRSO,HERE ICALL PERFORM,V?KILL,BEAST RTRUE ?CCL62: EQUAL? PRSA,V?KILL \?CCL67 EQUAL? PRSO,BEAST \?CCL67 FSET? BEAST,MUNGEDBIT \?CND70 ICALL PERFORM,V?ALARM,BEAST RTRUE ?CND70: CALL QUEUE,I-BEAST,2 PUT STACK,0,1 PRINTR "A footling effort. The shock waves of the Beast's laughter push you back." ?CCL67: EQUAL? PRSA,V?ALARM \?CCL75 FSET? BEAST,MUNGEDBIT \?CCL75 PRINTI "The Beast casually brushes you away with one of" PRINT CLAWS ICALL2 JIGS-UP,STR?36 RTRUE ?CCL75: EQUAL? PRSA,V?ASK-ABOUT \?CCL81 EQUAL? PRSI,OBJECT-OF-GAME \?CCL81 PRINTR """Eat. Carve name on memorial. Sleep. Eat more. Roar a lot. Stuff like that.""" ?CCL81: EQUAL? PRSA,V?EXAMINE \FALSE PRINT BEAST-DESC CRLF RTRUE .FUNCT I-BEAST CALL QUEUE,I-BEAST,-1 PUT STACK,0,1 CRLF FSET? BEAST,MUNGEDBIT \?CCL3 MOVE CHIPPER,PROTAGONIST FCLEAR LAIR,NDESCBIT FSET LAIR,REVISITBIT ICALL2 JIGS-UP,STR?141 RTRUE ?CCL3: FSET? TOWEL,WORNBIT \?CCL5 PRINTI "The Beast still thinks it can't see you, but it's so irritated at having an invisible object stumble around its lair that it swipes out angrily with one of" PRINT CLAWS ICALL2 JIGS-UP,STR?142 RTRUE ?CCL5: IN? BEAST,HERE /?CCL9 MOVE BEAST,HERE MOVE NAME,HERE SET 'BEAST-COUNTER,0 PRINTR "Bellowing with rage, the Beast charges after you." ?CCL9: INC 'BEAST-COUNTER EQUAL? BEAST-COUNTER,1 \?CCL14 PRINTI "With a head-splitting roar, the " PRINTD BEAST PRINTR " charges towards you." ?CCL14: EQUAL? BEAST-COUNTER,2 \?CCL18 ZERO? NAME-TOLD \?CCL18 PRINTI "The Beast, sharpening" PRINT CLAWS PRINTR ", demands again that you say your name." ?CCL18: GRTR? BEAST-COUNTER,4 \?PRG25 CALL1 BEAST-DEATH RSTACK ?PRG25: PRINTR "The Beast is nearly upon you." .FUNCT BEAST-DEATH PRINTI "With a vast savage roar, the Beast tears you limb from limb with" PRINT CLAWS ICALL2 JIGS-UP,STR?143 RTRUE .FUNCT YOUR-NAME-F EQUAL? PRSA,V?WHAT \?CCL3 ICALL PERFORM,V?WHO,ME RTRUE ?CCL3: EQUAL? HERE,OUTER-LAIR \?CCL5 FSET? BEAST,MUNGEDBIT /FALSE ?CCL5: EQUAL? PRSA,V?MOVE,V?RUB,V?EXAMINE \FALSE PRINTR "Huh?" .FUNCT NUT-COM-INTERFACE-F EQUAL? PRSA,V?TAKE \?CCL3 FSET? NUT-COM-INTERFACE,TRYTAKEBIT \?CCL3 FCLEAR NUT-COM-INTERFACE,TRYTAKEBIT FCLEAR NUT-COM-INTERFACE,NDESCBIT FSET SKELETON,TOUCHBIT ADD SCORE,25 >SCORE RFALSE ?CCL3: EQUAL? PRSA,V?TAKE \?CCL7 CALL2 RUNNING?,I-TEA ZERO? STACK /?CCL7 PRINTR "You get a powerful electric shock." ?CCL7: EQUAL? PRSA,V?EXAMINE \FALSE PRINTI "The " PRINTD PRSO PRINTI " is square, about ten inches on each side." ICALL1 FINE-PRODUCT CRLF RTRUE .FUNCT I-CARELESS-WORDS CRLF SET 'FLEET-PROB,60 PRINTI "It is of course well known that careless talk costs lives, but the full scale of the problem is not always appreciated. For instance, at the exact moment you said """ ICALL2 RESTORE-INPUT,FIRST-BUFFER PRINTI """ a freak wormhole opened in the fabric of the space-time continuum and carried your words far far back in time across almost infinite reaches of space to a distant galaxy where strange and warlike beings were poised on the brink of frightful interstellar battle. The two opposing leaders were meeting for the last time. A dreadful silence fell across the conference table as the commander of the Vl'Hurgs, resplendent in his" PRINT BATTLE-SHORTS PRINTI "gazed levelly at the " PRINTD GGUGVUNT PRINTI " squatting opposite him" PRINT CLOUD-OF-STEAM PRINTI "As a million sleek and horribly beweaponed star cruisers poised to unleash electric death at his single word of command, the Vl'Hurg challenged his vile enemy to take back what it had said about his mother. The creature stirred in its sickly broiling vapour, and at that very moment the words """ ICALL2 RESTORE-INPUT,FIRST-BUFFER PRINTR """ drifted across the conference table. Unfortunately, in the Vl'Hurg tongue this was the most dreadful insult imaginable, and there was nothing for it but to wage terrible war for centuries. Eventually the error was detected, but over two hundred and fifty thousand worlds, their peoples and cultures perished in the holocaust. You have destroyed most of a small galaxy. Please pick your words with greater care." .FUNCT MICROSCOPIC-FLEET-F EQUAL? PRSA,V?THROUGH \FALSE PRINT LOOK-AROUND CRLF RTRUE .FUNCT CANOPY-F EQUAL? PRSA,V?LOOK-INSIDE \FALSE PRINTI "Through the " PRINTD CANOPY PRINTI " of the ship you can see a vast " PRINTD MICROSCOPIC-FLEET PRINTR " flying in formation behind you through the black, glittering emptiness of space. Ahead is a star system towards which you are hurtling at a terrifying speed." .FUNCT WAR-CHAMBER-F,RARG EQUAL? RARG,M-ENTER \?CCL3 FCLEAR CONVERSATION,INVISIBLE MOVE THIRD-PLANET,HERE SET 'DREAMING,TRUE-VALUE CALL QUEUE,I-DOG,-1 PUT STACK,0,1 RFALSE ?CCL3: EQUAL? RARG,M-LOOK \FALSE PRINTI "Spread before you, astonishingly enough, is the " PRINTD WAR-CHAMBER PRINTI " of a star battle cruiser. " ICALL PERFORM,V?LOOK-INSIDE,CANOPY RTRUE .FUNCT VLHURG-DESCFCN,X CRLF PRINTI "Standing near you are two creatures who are gazing at the star system with terrible hatred in their eyes. One is wearing" PRINT BATTLE-SHORTS PRINTI "and the other is wreathed" PRINT CLOUD-OF-STEAM PRINTI "They are engaged in " PRINTD CONVERSATION PRINTR "." .FUNCT VLHURG-F EQUAL? PRSA,V?TELL \?CCL3 PRINTI "You are clearly the worst diplomat that ever lived, and are about to become the worst one that ever died. That is an even worse insult in the G'Gugvunt tongue than """ ICALL2 RESTORE-INPUT,FIRST-BUFFER PRINTI """ is in the Vl'Hurg tongue." CRLF CALL1 FUCKING-CLEAR RSTACK ?CCL3: EQUAL? PRSA,V?EXAMINE \?CCL9 PRINTI "The " PRINTD VLHURG PRINTR " looks typically Vl'Hurgish." ?CCL9: EQUAL? PRSA,V?LISTEN \FALSE FSET? VLHURG,MUNGEDBIT \?CCL16 PRINTR "The creatures are speculating about who you are and what to do with you." ?CCL16: FSET VLHURG,MUNGEDBIT PRINTI " ""Hated planet!"" snarls the Vl'Hurg. ""Home of he that dared to say '" ICALL2 RESTORE-INPUT,FIRST-BUFFER PRINTI "'"" rasps the G'Gugvunt. ""Detested words! Even now it sticks my soul to hear them uttered,"" barks the Vl'Hurg, ""even though ten thousand years have passed..."" ""And as many senseless megadeaths! Worlds destroyed! My race and yours laid to waste! All because of he that dared shape the words '" ICALL2 RESTORE-INPUT,FIRST-BUFFER PRINTI "'."" ""Torture to my Vl'Hurgish warrior heart to hear it spoken! Yet, even now, the hot breath of our vengeance blows hard upon this little world..."" ""Vengeance on him who said '" ICALL2 RESTORE-INPUT,FIRST-BUFFER PRINTI "'."" ""Yes, there's no need to keep repeating it,"" growls the Vl'Hurg. ""One happy thought,"" adds the G'Gugvunt. ""After millenia of bloody and perpetual conflict, our races have been brought together by this Quest for the Source of the Offending Remark. Perhaps, after our vengeance has been exacted on him who said '" ICALL2 RESTORE-INPUT,FIRST-BUFFER PRINTR "'..."" ""Will you stop saying it?"" ""...perhaps we will continue to live in peace and harmony and..."" ""We will talk about that AFTER we ... who's this?"" The two creatures turn and stare at you." .FUNCT GGUGVUNT-F EQUAL? PRSA,V?TELL \?CCL3 ICALL PERFORM,V?TELL,VLHURG CALL1 FUCKING-CLEAR RSTACK ?CCL3: EQUAL? PRSA,V?EXAMINE \?CCL5 PRINTI "The " PRINTD GGUGVUNT PRINTR " is looking typically G'Gugvuntish." ?CCL5: EQUAL? PRSA,V?LISTEN \FALSE ICALL PERFORM,V?LISTEN,VLHURG RTRUE .FUNCT THIRD-PLANET-F ZERO? EARTH-DEMOLISHED \?CCL3 EQUAL? PRSO,THIRD-PLANET \?CCL6 ICALL PERFORM,PRSA,GROUND,PRSI RTRUE ?CCL6: CALL PERFORM,PRSA,PRSO,GROUND RSTACK ?CCL3: EQUAL? PRSA,V?DISEMBARK,V?LEAVE \?CCL8 PRINTR "You did!" ?CCL8: EQUAL? PRSA,V?EXAMINE \FALSE PRINTI "It is an utterly insignificant little blue-green planet, of the sort where they probably still wear " PRINTD DIGITAL-WATCH PRINTR "es." .FUNCT MAZE-EXIT-F RANDOM 100 LESS? 40,STACK /?CCL3 PRINTI "An electrical impulse across a synapse gap temporarily blocks your way." CRLF RFALSE ?CCL3: INC 'MAZE-COUNTER EQUAL? MAZE-COUNTER,3,17,36 \?CCL8 MOVE PARTICLE,HERE JUMP ?CND6 ?CCL8: MOVE PARTICLE,LOCAL-GLOBALS ?CND6: ICALL1 V-LOOK RFALSE .FUNCT PARTICLE-F EQUAL? PRSA,V?MOVE,V?TAKE \?CCL3 MOVE PARTICLE,LOCAL-GLOBALS FSET PARTICLE,MUNGEDBIT ADD SCORE,25 >SCORE FSET WAR-CHAMBER,REVISITBIT PRINTI "As you remove the " PRINTD PARTICLE ICALL2 JIGS-UP,STR?148 RTRUE ?CCL3: EQUAL? PRSA,V?READ,V?EXAMINE \FALSE PRINTI "As you look closer you see, inscribed in tiny letters on the " PRINTD PARTICLE PRINTR ": Sense, Common for: Dent, Arthur (for replacement, order part #31-541)" .FUNCT APARTMENT-F EQUAL? PRSA,V?EXIT,V?LEAVE \?CCL3 EQUAL? HERE,LIVING-ROOM \?CCL6 CALL2 DO-WALK,P?SOUTH RSTACK ?CCL6: CALL1 V-WALK-AROUND RSTACK ?CCL3: EQUAL? PRSA,V?THROUGH \FALSE PRINT LOOK-AROUND CRLF RTRUE .FUNCT PARTY-DESC,ROOM PRINTI "You are in a large " PRINTD ROOM PRINTI ". There is a party going on. Other rooms lie to the " RTRUE .FUNCT PARTY-EXIT-F FSET? APARTMENT-DOOR,OPENBIT \?PRG6 PRINTI "What! Leave a fun party like this?" CRLF SET 'AWAITING-REPLY,3 CALL QUEUE,I-REPLY,2 PUT STACK,0,1 RFALSE ?PRG6: PRINTI "The door is closed." CRLF SET 'P-IT-OBJECT,APARTMENT-DOOR RFALSE .FUNCT LIVING-ROOM-F,RARG EQUAL? RARG,M-ENTER \?CCL3 EQUAL? IDENTITY-FLAG,TRILLIAN /?CCL3 LOC HANDBAG PUT PARTY-TABLE,0,STACK LOC TWEEZERS PUT PARTY-TABLE,1,STACK FSET? HANDBAG,OPENBIT \?CCL8 PUT PARTY-TABLE,2,TRUE-VALUE JUMP ?CND6 ?CCL8: PUT PARTY-TABLE,2,FALSE-VALUE ?CND6: SET 'IDENTITY-FLAG,TRILLIAN MOVE TRILLIAN,GLOBAL-OBJECTS SET 'DREAMING,TRUE-VALUE ICALL ROB,PROTAGONIST,MEMORIAL ICALL ROB,HANDBAG,RAMP FCLEAR HANDBAG,OPENBIT MOVE HANDBAG,PROTAGONIST MOVE TWEEZERS,HANDBAG MOVE WINE,PROTAGONIST MOVE APPETIZERS,PROTAGONIST MOVE ARTHUR,HERE MOVE PHIL,HERE MOVE CAGE,HERE PRINTI "You're at a party being given by a distant and incredibly boring acquaintance. Among the people you've been introduced to are a shy, mousy fellow from the West Country named Arthur, and a flamboyant guy named Phil. You've had too many drinks already, and the room is beginning to buzz..." CRLF CRLF RTRUE ?CCL3: EQUAL? RARG,M-END \?CCL12 FSET? LIVING-ROOM,REVISITBIT \?CCL12 CRLF ICALL2 JIGS-UP,STR?149 RTRUE ?CCL12: EQUAL? RARG,M-LOOK \FALSE ICALL2 PARTY-DESC,LIVING-ROOM PRINTI "west and southwest, and the " PRINTD APARTMENT PRINTR "'s front door is south of here." .FUNCT APARTMENT-DOOR-F EQUAL? PRSA,V?THROUGH \FALSE CALL2 DO-WALK,P?SOUTH RSTACK .FUNCT DINING-ROOM-F,RARG EQUAL? RARG,M-LOOK \FALSE ICALL2 PARTY-DESC,DINING-ROOM PRINTR "south and east." .FUNCT KITCHEN-F,RARG EQUAL? RARG,M-LOOK \FALSE ICALL2 PARTY-DESC,KITCHEN PRINTR "north and northeast." .FUNCT WINE-F EQUAL? PRSA,V?ENJOY,V?DRINK \?CCL3 PRINTR "You take a sip, and the room spins a little faster." ?CCL3: EQUAL? PRSA,V?POUR,V?THROW \?CCL7 CALL1 SHRIEK RSTACK ?CCL7: EQUAL? PRSA,V?DROP \FALSE CALL1 DROP-AT-PARTY RSTACK .FUNCT APPETIZERS-F EQUAL? PRSA,V?ENJOY,V?EAT \?CCL3 PRINTI "You nibble at one of the hors d'oeuvres. It tastes " RANDOM 100 LESS? 40,STACK /?CCL8 PRINTR "okay." ?CCL8: RANDOM 100 LESS? 50,STACK /?PRG15 PRINTR "delicious." ?PRG15: PRINTR "terrible." ?CCL3: EQUAL? PRSA,V?THROW \?CCL18 CALL1 SHRIEK RSTACK ?CCL18: EQUAL? PRSA,V?COUNT \?CCL20 PRINTR "More than three, which is as high as you can count in your condition." ?CCL20: EQUAL? PRSA,V?DROP \FALSE CALL1 DROP-AT-PARTY RSTACK .FUNCT DROP-AT-PARTY ZERO? ITEM-DROPPED-AT-PARTY \?CND1 SET 'ITEM-DROPPED-AT-PARTY,PRSO FSET HOSTESS,NDESCBIT CALL QUEUE,I-HOSTESS,3 PUT STACK,0,1 ?CND1: MOVE PRSO,HERE EQUAL? PRSA,V?DROP \?PRG8 PRINTR "Dropped." ?PRG8: PRINTR "Thrown." .FUNCT SHRIEK PRINTI "The hostess lets out a blood-chilling shriek. ""My new carpet!"" " EQUAL? PRSA,V?THROW \?PRG8 PRINTI "Grabbing a shard from your broken " PRINTD PRSO PRINTI ", s" JUMP ?CND3 ?PRG8: PRINTC 83 ?CND3: ICALL2 JIGS-UP,STR?150 RTRUE .FUNCT HOSTESS-F EQUAL? HOSTESS,WINNER \?CCL3 EQUAL? PRSA,V?YES \?CCL6 EQUAL? AWAITING-REPLY,4 \?CCL6 SET 'WINNER,PROTAGONIST ICALL1 V-YES SET 'WINNER,HOSTESS RETURN WINNER ?CCL6: EQUAL? PRSA,V?NO \?CCL10 EQUAL? AWAITING-REPLY,4 \?CCL10 SET 'WINNER,PROTAGONIST ICALL1 V-NO SET 'WINNER,HOSTESS RETURN WINNER ?CCL10: SET 'WINNER,PROTAGONIST ICALL PERFORM,V?HELLO,HOSTESS CALL1 FUCKING-CLEAR RSTACK ?CCL3: EQUAL? PRSA,V?TELL-ABOUT,V?ASK-ABOUT,V?HELLO \FALSE EQUAL? PRSO,HOSTESS \FALSE PRINTI "The hostess is delighted to engage in " PRINTD CONVERSATION ICALL2 JIGS-UP,STR?152 RTRUE .FUNCT I-HOSTESS CALL QUEUE,I-HOSTESS,-1 PUT STACK,0,1 ZERO? ITEM-DROPPED-AT-PARTY \?CND1 FCLEAR HOSTESS,TOUCHBIT CALL2 INT,I-HOSTESS PUT STACK,0,0 RFALSE ?CND1: MOVE HOSTESS,HERE MOVE ITEM-DROPPED-AT-PARTY,HERE CRLF FSET? HOSTESS,TOUCHBIT \?CCL5 SET 'AWAITING-REPLY,4 CALL QUEUE,I-REPLY,2 PUT STACK,0,1 PRINTI """Tricia dear,"" says the hostess insistently, ""don't you want your " PRINTD ITEM-DROPPED-AT-PARTY PRINTR "?""" ?CCL5: FSET HOSTESS,TOUCHBIT SET 'P-IT-OBJECT,ITEM-DROPPED-AT-PARTY FSET ITEM-DROPPED-AT-PARTY,NDESCBIT PRINTI "The hostess, whom you've been avoiding all evening, scurries up with your " PRINTD ITEM-DROPPED-AT-PARTY PRINTR ". ""Oh, hello Tricia, how lovely to see you, I think you dropped this, dear.""" .FUNCT SPEEDBOAT-F,RARG EQUAL? RARG,M-ENTER \?CCL3 SET 'DREAMING,TRUE-VALUE SET 'IDENTITY-FLAG,ZAPHOD MOVE ZAPHOD,GLOBAL-OBJECTS MOVE WRENCH,TOOLBOX MOVE MAGNIFYING-GLASS,TOOLBOX FCLEAR TOOLBOX,OPENBIT ICALL ROB,PROTAGONIST,MEMORIAL MOVE PROTAGONIST,PILOT-SEAT SET 'OHERE,FALSE-VALUE SET 'DESTINATION,CHANNEL CALL QUEUE,I-SPEEDBOAT,2 PUT STACK,0,1 PRINTI "The pain at the back of your eyes is from partying until very late last night, and both your heads are suffering the worst hangover you've ever experienced. You remember formulating a plan to steal " PRINTD HEART-OF-GOLD PRINTI ", but you can't for the life of you remember any details." CRLF CRLF RTRUE ?CCL3: EQUAL? RARG,M-LOOK \FALSE ZERO? BOAT-DOCKED /?PRG13 PRINTI "The boat is resting atop a plume of water. The dais for the dedication ceremonies for " PRINTD HEART-OF-GOLD PRINTR " lies immediately north." ?PRG13: PRINTI "You are piloting the " PRINTD BOAT-OBJECT PRINTI ", which features very simple controls, toward the island of France (Footnote 3), where the dedication ceremonies for " PRINTD HEART-OF-GOLD PRINTI " will occur. You are currently steering the boat toward" EQUAL? DESTINATION,CHANNEL \?CCL17 PRINTI " a " PRINTD CHANNEL PRINTI " between " PRINTD CLIFF PRINTI " and a " PRINTD SPIRE PRINTR "." ?CCL17: ICALL2 ARTICLE,DESTINATION PRINTR "." .FUNCT I-SPEEDBOAT INC 'BOAT-COUNTER CALL QUEUE,I-SPEEDBOAT,-1 PUT STACK,0,1 EQUAL? DESTINATION,CLIFF,SPIRE \?CND1 INC 'CRASH-COUNTER EQUAL? CRASH-COUNTER,4 \?CND1 SET 'BOAT-DOCKED,TRUE-VALUE CALL2 INT,I-SPEEDBOAT PUT STACK,0,0 CRLF PRINTI "Suddenly, the autopilot leaps to life, steering the boat away from the " PRINTD DESTINATION PRINTI ". The crowd gathered for the dedication oohs and aahs as the boat swerves through the " PRINTD CHANNEL PRINTI ". As it reaches the base of the " PRINTD CLIFF PRINTR " a plume of water forms under it, sending it higher and higher. The crowd bursts into applause as the boat reaches the top of the cliff, just south of the ceremonial dais." ?CND1: EQUAL? PRSA,V?POINT,V?STEER /FALSE CRLF LESS? BOAT-COUNTER,7 \?CCL11 PRINTI "You continue to steer toward the " PRINTD DESTINATION PRINTR "." ?CCL11: CALL2 INT,I-SPEEDBOAT PUT STACK,0,0 PRINTI "You almost make it through the " PRINTD CHANNEL PRINTI " but the turbulent waters push the boat toward the rocks. The " PRINTD AUTOPILOT-BUTTON PRINTI " lights up and an " PRINT EYE-STALK ICALL2 JIGS-UP,STR?153 RTRUE .FUNCT BOAT-OBJECT-F EQUAL? PRSA,V?STEER \?CCL3 EQUAL? PRSO,BOAT-OBJECT \?CCL3 ZERO? BOAT-DOCKED /?CCL8 PRINTR "You've already reached your destination!" ?CCL8: EQUAL? PRSI,DESTINATION \?CCL12 PRINTI "You already ARE steering the boat toward the " PRINTD DESTINATION PRINTR "." ?CCL12: EQUAL? PRSI,CHANNEL,SPIRE,CLIFF /?CCL16 PRINTI "You can't steer the boat toward" ICALL ARTICLE,PRSI,TRUE-VALUE PRINTR "!" ?CCL16: SET 'DESTINATION,PRSI GRTR? BOAT-COUNTER,3 \?PRG23 SET 'BOAT-COUNTER,3 ?PRG23: PRINTI "The boat is now heading straight at the " PRINTD DESTINATION PRINTR "." ?CCL3: EQUAL? PRSA,V?DISEMBARK,V?LEAVE,V?EXIT /?CCL26 EQUAL? PRSA,V?THROUGH \FALSE ?CCL26: ZERO? BOAT-DOCKED /?PRG32 CALL2 DO-WALK,P?NORTH RSTACK ?PRG32: PRINT DONT-MIX CRLF RTRUE .FUNCT WATER-PSEUDO EQUAL? PRSA,V?BOARD,V?THROUGH \?CCL3 PRINT DONT-MIX CRLF RTRUE ?CCL3: EQUAL? PRSA,V?THROW,V?PUT \FALSE EQUAL? PRSI,WATER \FALSE MOVE PRSO,LOCAL-GLOBALS PRINTR "Glub..." .FUNCT PILOT-SEAT-F,RARG EQUAL? RARG,M-BEG \?CCL3 EQUAL? PRSA,V?WALK \FALSE CALL2 OUT-OF-FIRST,PILOT-SEAT RSTACK ?CCL3: ZERO? RARG \FALSE EQUAL? PRSA,V?SEARCH,V?RAISE,V?LOOK-UNDER /?PRD12 EQUAL? PRSA,V?TAKE \?CCL10 ?PRD12: IN? KEY,LOCAL-GLOBALS \?CCL10 MOVE CUSHION-FLUFF,PROTAGONIST MOVE KEY,PROTAGONIST PRINTR "You discover and pick up a small key and a piece of fluff under the seat cushion." ?CCL10: EQUAL? PRSA,V?EXAMINE \?CCL18 PRINTR "The chair is very comfortable, with a thick plush cushion." ?CCL18: EQUAL? PRSA,V?CLOSE,V?OPEN \FALSE EQUAL? PRSO,PILOT-SEAT \FALSE CALL1 TELL-ME-HOW RSTACK .FUNCT KEY-F EQUAL? PRSA,V?WHERE \FALSE EQUAL? HERE,SPEEDBOAT \FALSE IN? KEY,LOCAL-GLOBALS \FALSE PRINTR "It's probably around the boat somewhere." .FUNCT TOOLBOX-F EQUAL? PRSA,V?OPEN \?CCL3 ZERO? PRSI \?CCL3 FSET? TOOLBOX,OPENBIT /?CCL3 PRINTR "It's locked." ?CCL3: EQUAL? PRSA,V?LOCK \?CCL10 FSET? TOOLBOX,OPENBIT \?PRG14 ICALL PERFORM,V?CLOSE,TOOLBOX RTRUE ?PRG14: PRINTR "It is." ?CCL10: EQUAL? PRSA,V?UNLOCK,V?OPEN \FALSE FSET? TOOLBOX,OPENBIT \?CND18 PRINT ALREADY-OPEN CRLF RTRUE ?CND18: ZERO? PRSI \?CND22 CALL2 HELD?,KEY ZERO? STACK /?CND22 SET 'PRSI,KEY PRINTI "(with the key)" CRLF ?CND22: EQUAL? PRSI,KEY \?PRG39 FSET TOOLBOX,OPENBIT PRINTI "The tool box opens" FIRST? TOOLBOX \?PRG37 PRINTI " revealing" ICALL2 PRINT-CONTENTS,TOOLBOX ?PRG37: PRINTR "." ?PRG39: PRINTI "You can't unlock it with" ZERO? PRSI /?PRG44 ICALL2 ARTICLE,PRSI JUMP ?PRG46 ?PRG44: PRINTC 32 PRINTD HANDS ?PRG46: PRINTR "!" .FUNCT MAGNIFYING-GLASS-F EQUAL? PRSA,V?LOOK-INSIDE \FALSE PRINTR "You see your environs upside-down and slightly distorted." .FUNCT AUTOPILOT-BUTTON-F EQUAL? PRSA,V?LAMP-ON,V?PUSH \FALSE INC 'AUTOPILOT-COUNTER PRINTI "The button glows. An " PRINT EYE-STALK PRINTI "looks around, and withdraws. The light fades." EQUAL? AUTOPILOT-COUNTER,3 \?CND6 PRINTR " (Footnote 13)" ?CND6: CRLF RTRUE .FUNCT DESTINATION-F EQUAL? PRSA,V?WALK-TO \FALSE EQUAL? HERE,SPEEDBOAT \FALSE ZERO? BOAT-DOCKED \FALSE ICALL PERFORM,V?STEER,BOAT-OBJECT,PRSO RTRUE .FUNCT DAIS-EXIT-F IN? GUARDS,HERE /?CCL3 SET 'AWAITING-REPLY,5 CALL QUEUE,I-REPLY,2 PUT STACK,0,1 PRINTI "Don't you think it would be a bad idea to leave the ceremonies?" CRLF RFALSE ?CCL3: IN? RIFLES,HERE /?PRG10 IN? RIFLES,GUARDS \?CCL7 ?PRG10: PRINTI "You and " PRINTD TRILLIAN PRINTI " break for " PRINTD HEART-OF-GOLD PRINTI ". " FSET? BLASTER,TRYTAKEBIT \?PRG17 PRINT GUARDS-REALIZE PRINTI "They" JUMP ?CND12 ?PRG17: PRINTI "The guards" ?CND12: ICALL1 GUARD-DEATH RFALSE ?CCL7: ADD SCORE,25 >SCORE FSET SPEEDBOAT,REVISITBIT MOVE BLASTER,LOCAL-GLOBALS ICALL ROB,PROTAGONIST,HATCHWAY PRINTI "You and " PRINTD TRILLIAN PRINTI " enter " PRINTD HEART-OF-GOLD PRINTI ", that beautiful bauble you've been coveting ever since your decision to run for" PRINT PRESIDENT ICALL2 JIGS-UP,STR?155 RFALSE .FUNCT DAIS-F,RARG EQUAL? RARG,M-END \?CCL3 FSET? SPEEDBOAT,REVISITBIT \?CCL3 SET 'DREAMING,TRUE-VALUE ICALL2 JIGS-UP,STR?156 RTRUE ?CCL3: EQUAL? RARG,M-ENTER \?CCL7 FSET? SPEEDBOAT,REVISITBIT /?CCL7 PUTP PROTAGONIST,P?ACTION,DAIS-FUNCTION PRINTI "As you step out of the boat, the plume of water lowers it away. The crowd, unaware of the autopilot, bursts into a round of admiring applause." CRLF CRLF RTRUE ?CCL7: EQUAL? RARG,M-LOOK \FALSE PRINTI "This is a platform surrounded by a crowd. " IN? BANNER,HERE \?PRG20 PRINTI "Several members of the crowd are holding a huge banner. " ?PRG20: PRINTI "Just to the east is " PRINTD HEART-OF-GOLD IN? RIFLES,GUARDS \?CCL24 PRINTI ". A semicircle of guards are aiming photon rifles at you and " PRINTD TRILLIAN JUMP ?CND22 ?CCL24: IN? GUARDS,HERE \?CND22 PRINTI ". Many disarmed guards are nervously eyeing you and " PRINTD TRILLIAN ?CND22: IN? BLASTER,TRILLIAN \?PRG34 PRINTI ", who is pointing a blaster at your head" ?PRG34: PRINTR "." .FUNCT DAIS-FUNCTION EQUAL? PRSA,V?RESTORE,V?RESTART,V?QUIT /FALSE EQUAL? PRSA,V?SAVE,V?VERSION,V?SCORE /FALSE EQUAL? PRSA,V?BRIEF,V?VERBOSE,V?WALK /FALSE EQUAL? PRSA,V?UNSCRIPT,V?SCRIPT,V?SUPERBRIEF /FALSE EQUAL? PRSA,V?INVENTORY,V?LOOK,V?FOOTNOTE /FALSE EQUAL? PRSA,V?WHAT,V?WHO,V?HINTS /FALSE EQUAL? PRSA,V?YES,V?WHY,V?WHERE /FALSE EQUAL? PRSA,V?THROUGH,V?NO /FALSE EQUAL? PRSO,CROWD,BANNER \?CCL13 EQUAL? PRSA,V?THROUGH,V?EXAMINE,V?COUNT /FALSE EQUAL? PRSA,V?READ /FALSE ?CCL13: INC 'DAIS-COUNTER PRINT CROWD-CHEERS EQUAL? DAIS-COUNTER,4 \?CND20 PUTP PROTAGONIST,P?ACTION,PROTAGONIST-F MOVE TRILLIAN,HERE MOVE BLASTER,TRILLIAN MOVE GUARDS,HERE MOVE RIFLES,GUARDS CALL QUEUE,I-GUARDS,8 PUT STACK,0,1 PRINTI " Suddenly, " PRINTD TRILLIAN PRINTI " leaps out of the crowd, grabs you by the necks, and points a blaster at your left head. Guards rush up, photon rifles poised to shoot. ""Stay back!"" shouts " PRINTD TRILLIAN PRINTI ". ""One more step and the" PRINT PRESIDENT PRINTI " is fried meat!"" The guards seem unsure, and look at you for instructions." ?CND20: ICALL1 FUCKING-CLEAR CRLF RTRUE .FUNCT CROWD-PSEUDO EQUAL? PRSA,V?EXAMINE,V?COUNT \?CCL3 PRINTR "It's big." ?CCL3: EQUAL? PRSA,V?SHOOT \?CCL7 CALL1 BLASTER-HOLD ZERO? STACK \TRUE PRINTR "You may be a scoundrel, but you're not a mass murderer." ?CCL7: EQUAL? PRSA,V?THROUGH \?CCL13 PRINTR "You'd be crushed by the enthusiasm of your admirers." ?CCL13: EQUAL? PRSA,V?WAVE-AT,V?TELL \FALSE PRINT CROWD-CHEERS CRLF ICALL1 FUCKING-CLEAR RTRUE .FUNCT PLATFORM-F EQUAL? HERE,SPEEDBOAT \?CCL3 ZERO? BOAT-DOCKED \?CCL3 CALL2 CANT-SEE,PLATFORM RSTACK ?CCL3: EQUAL? PRSA,V?WALK-TO,V?THROUGH \?CCL7 EQUAL? HERE,DAIS \?CCL10 PRINT LOOK-AROUND CRLF RTRUE ?CCL10: CALL2 DO-WALK,P?NORTH RSTACK ?CCL7: EQUAL? PRSA,V?DISEMBARK,V?LEAVE \FALSE EQUAL? HERE,DAIS \?PRG18 CALL2 DO-WALK,P?EAST RSTACK ?PRG18: PRINT LOOK-AROUND CRLF RTRUE .FUNCT BLASTER-F EQUAL? PRSA,V?TAKE \?CCL3 FSET? BLASTER,TRYTAKEBIT \?CCL3 PRINT GUARDS-REALIZE PRINTI "They" IN? RIFLES,GUARDS \?CCL10 CALL1 GUARD-DEATH RSTACK ?CCL10: FCLEAR BLASTER,TRYTAKEBIT FCLEAR BLASTER,NDESCBIT MOVE BLASTER,PROTAGONIST CALL QUEUE,I-GUARDS,5 PUT STACK,0,1 PRINTR " are disarmed, though, and unable to do anything as you take the blaster." ?CCL3: EQUAL? PRSA,V?SHOOT \FALSE EQUAL? PRSI,BLASTER \FALSE EQUAL? PRSO,BLASTER \?CCL19 CALL1 V-COUNT RSTACK ?CCL19: EQUAL? PRSO,GROUND \?CCL21 CALL1 V-DIG RSTACK ?CCL21: FSET? PRSO,TAKEBIT /?CTR22 EQUAL? PRSO,BANNER \?CCL23 ?CTR22: MOVE PRSO,LOCAL-GLOBALS PRINTI "With a cloud of sparks" EQUAL? PRSO,RIFLES \?CCL30 PRINTI " the " PRINTD RIFLES JUMP ?PRG33 ?CCL30: ICALL ARTICLE,PRSO,TRUE-VALUE ?PRG33: PRINTI " disintegrates. " PRINT CROWD-CHEERS CRLF RTRUE ?CCL23: EQUAL? PRSO,HEART-OF-GOLD \FALSE PRINTR "You're too far." .FUNCT BLASTER-HOLD CALL2 HELD?,BLASTER ZERO? STACK \FALSE PRINT NOT-HOLDING PRINTI " the " PRINTD BLASTER PRINTR "." .FUNCT RIFLES-F EQUAL? PRSA,V?SHOOT \?CCL3 CALL1 BLASTER-HOLD ZERO? STACK \TRUE IN? RIFLES,GUARDS \?CCL8 ICALL PERFORM,V?SHOOT,GUARDS RTRUE ?CCL8: MOVE RIFLES,LOCAL-GLOBALS PRINTI "The rifles explode in a flashy display of sparks and shrapnel. " PRINT CROWD-CHEERS PRINTR " The guards begin to look a bit concerned." ?CCL3: EQUAL? PRSA,V?TAKE \FALSE FSET? RIFLES,TRYTAKEBIT \FALSE PRINT GUARDS-REALIZE ICALL2 JIGS-UP,STR?158 RTRUE .FUNCT GUARD-DEATH CALL2 VISIBLE?,RIFLES ZERO? STACK \?CCL3 PRINTI " grab the blaster and" JUMP ?CND1 ?CCL3: IN? RIFLES,GUARDS /?CND1 PRINTI " pick up their rifles and" ?CND1: CALL2 JIGS-UP,STR?159 RSTACK .FUNCT INSIDE-WHALE-F,RARG EQUAL? RARG,M-ENTER \FALSE CALL QUEUE,I-WHALE,11 PUT STACK,0,1 SET 'DREAMING,TRUE-VALUE RFALSE .FUNCT I-WHALE EQUAL? HERE,INSIDE-WHALE \FALSE CRLF ICALL2 JIGS-UP,STR?161 RTRUE .FUNCT WHALE-OBJECT-F EQUAL? PRSA,V?DISEMBARK,V?LEAVE,V?EXIT \FALSE CALL1 V-WALK-AROUND RSTACK .ENDI